My Shinny Teeth and Me

Teeth are one of those things you really need to take care of because of those little shits-Cavities. I always envision cavities as microscopic invaders that burrow into your tooth. They land in your mouth through candies and not brushing. I think of them as purple bug-like creatures wanting your enamel as food and housing. It’s probably from watching those educational shows like Sesame Street that gives you a small animation to explain how things work.

Lots of people take care of their teeth and everything is handy dandy, but sometimes you can do everything right and it just doesn’t go well for you. I will admit my brushing record isn’t the greatest but I when I get back on track I do what I’m supposed to, brush and floss. I don’t drink sodas or indulge into too much candy but STILL! I seem to get at least 2 cavities. And after a few hours of brushing my teeth I can sense my breath growing sour. It was just bugging the shit out of me. Then I noticed my dad has the same issue. He has a perfect routine of brushing but whenever I get to close I can get a small whiff of bad breath. I think your genes have a role in how your teeth can be. My fiancé never brushes his teeth to the point where it’s disgusting and his breath is fine. Hardly any odor what so ever, how is that possible? It’s gotta be his genes. And at his checkups, No Cavities. What the Fuck!? I take care of my teeth better than he does and I have 2 or 3 crowns (can’t remember) and maybe 4 fillings. Now, I haven’t done any research so I can’t say this is true or accurate, but it sure as hell feels true. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to google this stuff later. Just the idea that someone who doesn’t take care of their teeth and drinks sugary soda all the damn time has no cavities while someone who does brush and floss gets them is just ridiculous.

Just recently I went to the dentist and I have another cavity. A single cavity! With all the brushing and flossing I do, those fuckers still get in. And my previous dentist didn’t seal one of my crowns properly which means there is a small gap between crown and tooth where a cavity can form. UGH! So an appointment was set and I went and got injected with that numbing stuff 6 times. SIX TIMES! The numbness kept wearing off for some reason, so they had to keep injecting me. Then the dentist asked me if I wanted to stop and try again another day. I AIN’T GONNA PUSSY OUT NOW! I already had been shot 3 times by then, plus I had my fiancé there to hold hands with. Once the temp crown was sealed on I went home to sleep off the numbness. THEN! On the Thursday before Labor Day weekend I was flossing and a small fracture of my tooth just popped off. TALK ABOUT CRUEL IRONY! Flossing teeth then floss causes a piece of tooth to chip off. WHAT!? HOW?! WHY!? I was so irritated that I didn’t want to floss ever again, but we all know how important flossing is so obviously that was a lie. I called the dentist who wasn’t available since it was Labor Day weekend. Finally went to the dentist on the 9^th and turns out it was a filling that came off. I didn’t even know or remembered I had a filling on that tooth. Either way I got that sucker patched up and my permanent crown in.

People, take care of your teeth. Fucking cavities take no prisoners.

Sidenote: the title is a reference to Nickelodeon’s Fairly Odd Parents.